What a Girl Wants...She Usually Gets    by Wendy Townley with Michael O’Connor Helping pick the ring Rebecca Chen, a 26-year-old Los Angeles resident, had been dating her boyfriend, Chris Low, for about a year when the two arrived at the conversation most couples experience when things get serious. We’re talking marriage. There were discussions about each partner’s role in their future marriage, as well as the topic of children, who would work and who would stay home. Chen said marriage was never a buried topic for the two. “We were pretty much sure we were going to marry each other two years into our relationship, but held off on getting engaged until Chris finished law school,” she said. That was nearly five years ago. The topic of marriage continually surfaced the longer the couple dated. And with the discussions of marriage came talks of the wedding and the engagement ring. Those talks, some future brides say, can remove the element of surprise traditionally associated with wedding proposals. Chen and Low went ring shopping at an area fine jewelry store, but no immediate purchases were made. The goal, Chen said, was to simply provide Low with an idea of what kind of ring he would later purchase. She had done her homework to learn more about the style of engagement ring she wanted. Jewelry ads in bridal magazines helped Chen better define the look she wanted. The Internet was another resource, as was simple window-shopping at area jewelry stores. It wasn’t until several months after that shopping trip that Low purchased Chen’s engagement ring. Looking back on that fateful day, Chen said she has mixed feelings about knowing the question would be popped in the near future. “It removes the element of complete surprise, but I doubt many brides-to-be these days had absolutely no idea that their fiancés would propose to them,” she said. “Generally, couples get to a point in their relationship where engagement is the next step. In that sense, it’s not really a surprise.” Chen said she was surprised when the official proposal occurred, as the exact day, moment and location remained a mystery until it happened. Some grooms don’t always consult their future brides about ring designs before proposing. And although some of those stories overflow with complete shock, awe, surprise and romance, there is a chance that the newly engaged lady won’t be completely loyal to the ring he selected. Chen believes such a decision—sans input from the future bride—can be a costly mistake. “If he buys a ring that she doesn’t like, she probably won’t want to wear it with her future wedding band,” she said. “Or she will want a replacement ring sooner than later. She’ll always have that feeling of wanting something different.” And therein lies the dilemma nearly all couples who intend to marry face. Some may argue that the marriage is, by leaps and bounds, vastly more important than the engagement ring. While the ring—be it simple or intricate, yellow gold or platinum, a tall setting or basic eternity band—is merely a “thing,” it is intended to be worn until death do you part. Jennifer Ridener, 22, isn’t much of a jewelry gal. However, she was extremely touched when her then-boyfriend, Sean Ridener, 24, presented her with a promise ring six months into their relationship. The slim silver band was presented to Jennifer with a simple promise: “I love you. I want to marry you in the future.” Their relationship, which at first was a long-distance love separated by 80 miles, proceeded more quickly than most. The two became deeply committed to each other in the first months of their relationship. They reduced that void of space to mere feet, when the two moved into an apartment together. “We both felt that we wanted to make sure that we were truly compatible before committing to marriage, but we also felt that living together wasn’t a substitute for getting married,” Jennifer said. Like many future brides, Jennifer used the Internet to research diamond quality. Jewelry stores also were helpful for this self-proclaimed “very picky” woman to find her ideal ring: a white gold, low-set diamond. Jennifer and Sean visited a handful of fine jewelry stores together before finding a style and price that matched Jennifer’s tastes and Sean’s budget. A few weeks before Christmas, the couple found themselves in a jewelry store. Under the glass counter, Jennifer found her ring. “The moment that I put it on, I fell in love,” Jennifer said. “I tried to play it down, but I saw that Sean had tears in his eyes. And I almost started crying.” The ring Sean purchased that day was the same ring Jennifer fell in love with. And, like Chen and Low, Jen-nifer knew the ring she would receive when Sean officially proposed. The details of the proposal, however, would remain unknown. Jennifer believes that most women should feel comfortable entrusting their future husbands to select the ring, although providing input can’t hurt. “If a person feels that they know their partner’s taste well enough to pick a ring that will be appreciated, they should be able to,” Jennifer said. “I think that it would be wise to at least seek a little input, much like with any gift. But I don’t think it’s horrible if they pick a ring entirely without help.” Many brides believe an upfront and honest reaction to the ring, assuming she provided no input, is the best way to handle an otherwise uncomfortable situation. “I think she should tell him,” Jennifer said. “Saying something like ‘I love you very much, and I do want to marry you, but I’m not sure that this ring is the best representation of our commitment’ doesn’t seem like a bad thing.” Go back